last week was a little hectic, so the blog has been put on hold untill today.

This week i've decided to treat this space as a sort of diary. Maybe just a thought log.

I broke up with my girlfriend about a month and a half ago. The relationship lasted about 5 months until then, and certain things have happened recently which has made me think whether I made the right choice by ending it.

Now, this relationship was probably the maturist relationship I've had with someone. We did the whole holiday thing in the summer, and we both met eachothers parents. I know what you're thinking, "scary", but it was actually quite a relief to find that Lizi's parents were great. Hopefully she felt the same about mine.
Anyway, it all ended because I felt that the relationship moved extremely fast in terms of practically living together and spending the majority of time with eachother. I can here all those who are married and are in long-term relationships saying "yes I remember those days" and "you need to have the appropriate time apart from eachother in order for it to work". Well thats what I've been told thus far anyway.
I felt that we needed more time apart in order for things to work, but I ask myself "Is it too late?". In some ways, I feel like I made the right choice by ending it, but as time goes on, and I look at my history of girlfriends, I see a little resemblence in pattern. An old friend of mine said to me "you always seem to end it". Now this scared me!
Why do I always end the relationship? Is there something wrong with me? I ask myself. Maybe its because I've been hurt in the past, or because I find myself getting bored. But looking at one of my best friends relationship, I've seen them both go through so much together. A break up, large arguements, the usual relationship antics in some cases.
It just seems like, looking back on it all, that I escaped at the second hurdle instead of fighting through to get past it.
Another factor in this equasion is that a mutual friend likes Lizi and has done for a while apparently. This is why I keep questioning myself when I think about it. "Am I just jealous, or have I finally realised what it is that I really want?". James is a decent bloke and at the end of the day I just want her to be happy, but a part of me inside wants to speak to her about how I'm feeling. Another part of me says "If I do, it could bring back alot of pain for her if I start all of this again and she's been doing great since the break-up".

I suppose if anyone reads this, the moral is 'Think about what you have before you throw it all away for what you think you are looking for.

Until next week